Archive for the Intervju Category

Intervju: Captain Catastrophe

Posted in Intervju on mars 7, 2011 by Store Manager

Christian L. Maes, mer känd under sitt alter ego Captain Catastrophe, är en minst sagt fascinerande person vars ”brinnande intresse” om ordvitsen ursäktas just är att brinna. Och om du nu för ditt inre ser pinsamma hårdrocksband som duttar lite tändarvätska på sina gitarrer eller det där puckot som ska till att visa sig på styva linan med en flaska T Gul på Midsommarafton, så kan jag rätta din mentala bild redan nu: vi pratar om ett flammande inferno få människor vid sina sinnes fulla bruk skulle försöka sig på!

Från början en extra medlem i Belgiska bandet El Guapo Stuntteam är han en kreation som fick ett eget liv och har stadigt vuxit sig till en kultperson nere i kontinentala Europa. Flitigt anlitad inom den underjordiska musikscenen är han en nostalgisk fläkt av Det Gamla Gardet, en stuntman med det lilla extra ”för mycket” han öppet erkänner kom från de vildhjärnor som trotsade all logik nere i Australien med sina dödsföraktande stunts. Vi pratar någon som har bra mycket mer gemensamt med Evel Knievel än dagens Jackass.

Lägger man sedan till att vi båda delar en nördig passion för gammal exploitationfilm, VHS-format och högljudd rockmusik så förstår ni varför jag anser denna man vara en ytterst trevlig person med sina prioriteringar på rätt ställe och klart värd att göra lite reklam för på sidan! Under veckan som gick då vi hade en hel del kontakt via mejl och chatt, främst med anledning av premiären på den musikvideo han hade en roll i, utbyttes det en hel del information och det hela ledde till nedanstående intervju. En rätt omfattande historia täckte vi en hel del ämnen så det bjuds rätt blandad kompott:

So, The International Man of Danger, according to what I’ve read read the man actually began as a small child right?
Yes, in the early 80’s, I think it was ’82, I was doing homework as the wonderful kid that I was and my eye caught a glimpse of Dangerfreaks that was on German TV at the time. An Australian TV-show directed by Brian Trenchard Smith that features all my heroes… Grant Page, Max and Dale Aspin and many more Australian stunt people doing the most awesome stuff I had ever seen. This was something else than Sesame Street! Then, the same year, I think, my parents took me to see the French Helldrivers in town, so there were cars rolling and crashing right in front of me and it made quite an impact. So first I started breaking all my toys and setting fire to my friend’s toys. And in no time I was setting up these ”huge stuntshows” in our backyard for the neighbourhood kids which almost always resulted with me running to my Mom, crying ‘cause I had hurt myself. But I did that for years….build ramps, set stuff on fire, jump off the garage roof…I really wanted to be a stuntman, I reckon I still do haha!

Was it always fire in those days or were you doing all kinds of stunts?
Fire always was involved. Fire always makes something look more dramatic and spectacular. I remember putting on three pairs of jeans, wrap a newspaper around it, set it on fire and run around the backyard heroically! Sometimes in slowmotion too, just like in the movies. Or set my BMX on fire and crash it into the family car. I was a stupid kid.

Oh yeah, BMX’s! We used to do crazy stuff with those in my neighbourhood too! Build ramps and jump over sharpened stakes – always ending up hurting our balls if my memory serves me correct ‘cause you’d always thrust forward when landing – driving our poor Mom nuts! What did your parents say about this? Were they like ”This kid needs serious therapy!” or did they see it as your creative side, calmly accepted it and just added the Emergency Number to speed-dial, hoping you weren’t gonna get too badly hurt?
Oh my parents didn’t think much of it. All the kids in the neighbourhood were doing crazy stuff in one form or another. They just weren’t too happy I burned myself or broke another BMX or something.

So how many times did you end up in hospital back in those days?
Never in the hospital, but a lot of times to the doctor’s office!

I’ve seen you mention Australian exploitation-flick Stunt Rock a lot in interviews. Tell me a little about it! Was that movie somewhat responsible for your stunt career. It seems to have influenced you a lot!
Ha,ha yeah. You can say that. It was in the early days of VHS, I had just discovered Motorhead and Iron Maiden and I would rent anything with the word ”stunt” in it, or anything I could find with a car crash or motorcycle on it. When I popped that tape in at home it was to my big surprise that it combined Rock N Roll, and stunts and I recognized some of the people from Dangerfreaks in it. So every Wednesday afternoon I would go rent it and watch it with my little niece. Me and my friends were heavily into horror already and they wouldn’t hear about watching this movie AGAIN. So my niece would not argue with me and I would watch it there. Eventually I broke the tape and the people from the videostore gave it to me, also because nobody else could rent it anyway, cause it was always home with me. I think that movie is a piece of art, like a 90 minute compilation of cool shit! Done just right. Besides that, growing up, I always had the biggest crush on Monique Van De Ven.

It’s funny, that years later I got to be set on fire in presence of the director Brian Trenchard Smith at a Brussels film fest for a screening of some of his films including Stunt Rock. Something I had to do, I was involved in some festivals here, and I mailed the people saying that they should get Not Quite Hollywood on their festival and Stunt Rock should play and Brian Trenchard Smith and Grant Page should be guests. I almost crapped my pants when they said it was okay. They could not get Grant Page to come over though. But maybe for the best, because I would’ve felt like fool being set on fire in front of him. It was scary enough to do it front of Brian and it was scary for him too. I could see him think ”what have I done?”

Anyway, Stunt Rock and a bunch of other movies by BTS and from that time are like my Star Wars trilogy, you know? Or Star Trek, I’m a Stunt Rock trekkie!

Ha, ha cool! Personally I really don’t know that much about Australian exploitation, except for stuff like the first Mad Max movie, Death Warmed Up and one I think was called ”The Quiet Earth”. Got any specific titles you think people should check out?
The Long Weekend, Man From Hong Kong, Deathcheaters, Mad Dog Morgan, Stone, Not Quite Hollywood, I say check that out first, it covers pretty much everything.

Yeah, I’ve heard about Stone actually! Isn’t that like an exploitation biker-movie that preceded Mad Max with a couple of years?
Yeah it is… Amazing film, great cast that includes some people from Mad Max, Hugh Keays-Byrne, who later played the Toecutter in MM and Roger Ward who played Fifi in Mad Max. I’ve just uploaded a stunt from that film on YouTube where Peter Armstrong takes a 90ft dive off a cliff with a motorcycle. I’ve added ”Only in Australia” in the video description, ‘cause it’s true.

So when was the Captain born?
Some night at a bar, my brother had just started El Guapo Stuntteam and my girlfriend at the time was doing some go-go, fire breathing act for them. So my brother said something like, ”didn’t you use to think you were like Grant Page when we were little or something? Set yourself on fire next weekend with us!” So I did. I made up this outfit based on Leatherface and the stunt look, helmet, fire proof hood etc..and there he was… So, yeah, a week later I showed up on stage, did the lousiest fire ”stunt” in history, but it fitted in so well with the band we kept it in and over the years, I pulled off some spectacular burns. Crowds loved it!

Cool! What other bands have you performed with?
The Dwarves a couple of times, The Datsuns, Johnny Casino’s Easy Action, ANTiSEEN

Any mishaps during these shows you wanna talk about?
Not really. A couple of years ago though, during the last year of EGST, I broke my ribs during a shitty move that wasn’t really necessary to begin with. Wanted to make one hell of an entrance, but got busted up pretty good. We did a show the next day and I knew there was something not right haha. My girlfriend was really pissed when she got me on the phone and heard I was at the beach here in Belgium instead of home in bed. Stupid birds blew my cover. I had some minor burns too every now and then. Once for a TV-show I jumped from the stage on fire through a burning table I had wrapped in barbed wire. From the moment I went through the table, it all let go from it and attached itself around me. My hands got cut with hot barbed wire. But it looked really great!

Yeah, I saw the clip on YouTube. As a stuntman, is it possible to make a living in the Belgian film industry? It’s quite a small country.
Well, I don’t call myself a stuntman. I know how to do this fire thing, but it’s really on an oldschool level. I do do some stuff they ask me for a shoot. We have a few professional people over here and in Holland. But I do get to do stuff for videos, some TV-shows and live…but always average to low budget to no budget stuff. I love it though, I could be dropped on a set for days and don’t complain.

What about TV? You mentioned the Super8 show but are there any other you worked with?
Super8 was funny. Just did a Captain cameo for those guys. Besides that, I did a children’s programme last year where they dumped me in a pond to play this flaming swampmonster with explosions going off everywhere, that was cool but shitty at the same time. No credits, no money and they made me wear everything you don’t wanna wear for a burn. But I figured, I’m in the water covered in gel and what not…with the slightest discomfort that I feel I go down. I eventually did four burns at 4am in the morning.

I don’t really know anything about ”professional burns”, so how about a list of the stuff you use?
I’m using layers, based on what daredevil’s used and sometime still use. Got some fire resistant underwear, leather and some more stuff. It’s cheap and it came handy when we would go on tour and I would do 21 burns in 21 days. Just had to go for 21 suits to set on fire! For TV they provide you with wonderful gel that’s fire proof. I wouldn’t go and try it out yourself, there’s a lot of dangers involved.

(en åsikt vi båda delar! Testa inget av de trick som publicerats på denna sidan hemma!)

And what are the things you should avoid?
Polyester, anything syntetic. I’ve made some mistakes in the early days, and this suit would burn like a Christmas tree and drip all over the place. It’s really stupid and dangerous, but what did I know. I learned along the way.

Yeah, I know about synthetic materials! I used to work as a welder and the company t-shirts would flame up burn like hell every now and then! I never came close to anything dangerous though. Ever had any close calls? A situation where you were truly scared and thought ”Shit, I’m lucky if I’m getting out of this in one piece!”?
Oh yeah! This one time in Germany, I had to walk off stage on fire into safety, so I get down and there’s nobody there!! Also the blanket and other safety material was gone! So some people from the crowd saw I was in trouble and started kicking the shit out of me, hitting the flames with their jackets and pouring their beers over me! It was crazy. Another time I came off stage – this was with the Dwarves – and again see that my safety people were not there! So I tried to cover myself with a blanket, and all of a sudden some girl jumps over the barricades and doused the flames. I was lucky! And very early with EGST some guy poured me full of gasoline. I was VERY lucky to have the fire brigade looking on. They saved me from turning into bacon.

Wow, sounds insane! What’s this ”The Convoy Connection” I heard mentioned from time to time?
A couple of years ago, my little brother told me that he met this American dude in a shop and my brother was helping him out converting some footage or something. My brother told me that this guy had worked on some Hollywood stuff. So one day, at my brother’s place, this guy and his wife showed up, we started talking and he mentioned he had worked on The Fall Guy! I was going crazy and told him about watching that show religiously! Then he mentiones Peckinpah and said ”yeah I worked in this movie called Convoy”… Peckinpah is one of my favorite directors so this was crazy to hear. So he told me everything I wanted to know. A few days later a package arrives at home, I get a signed picture of him filming up on a train for The Fall Guy. Anyway, so here’s the first of real Convoy connections. Recently when shooting the new Sore Losers video in this diner, I was talking to the owner, saying that this place surely must have had quite a history. It used to be a diner in the States somewhere and it was shipped to Holland. The guy than tells me ”oh sure, have you ever seen Convoy?” Does a bear shit in the woods? Well, all those seats and many parts of the diner were in that movie, in that big fight scene. Went home after the shoot, watched Convoy and sure enough, there’s the seats I was sitting in a few hours before and all the bar seats, the one where they cuff Borgnine onto… For a movie nerd like me, that’s something big! Also, people always seem to mention Convoy out of the blue to me. I’m gonna get a new tattoo soon, the duck from the movie that was later featured in Death Proof as well. I don’t know, it’s kinda weird. And NO I don’t think I’m crazy or something. Well, maybe a little.

Peckinpah was great! He’s one of the few directors out there who’s name I ever considered tattoing on myself! What’s your fave movie? Mine is actually Straw Dogs with Dustin Hoffman of all people. Everybody mentions The Wild Bunch but I actually prefer that one ‘cause it kinda reminds me of other rape/revenge-movies.
Straw Dogs is really amazing. One of my favorites. But my all time favorite is Bring Me The Head of Alfredo Garcia.

And speaking of tattoos: I thought I had a lot but you’re completely covered! You have any idea how many you got so far?
Haha, yeah, I got a little one when I was sixteen or seventeen, you know, because I was influenced by the whole punk scene and NYHC stuff. Then got another one and moved to this city here where me and my brother shared an appartment with Erik from El Santo Tattoos and former EGST bass player who was just starting out. So it happened a lot when he would say, ”who wants a tattoo?”… So one day I woke up with tons of ‘em.

When did you do the first one? And how old were you?
Sixteen or seventeen. I had to talk my parents into it and got the Sick of it All logo. It’s covered now though. These days, my youngest brother is getting a lot of tattoos, my other brother has a few, and even my girlfriend has some. Oh yeah, my Mom got one recently, the initials of her three sons, ‘cause we’re such wonderful boys.

Any embarrassing ones you got? I tattooed ”Emma” ages ago but thankfully I could change it into ”Mamma”, which is ”Mom” in Swedish. Not that I regret tattooing her name but I got fed up when future girlfriends got jealous of it.
Luckily I never had girlfriend’s names tattoed, but I would put my girlfriend’s name on me now, we’ve been together for eight years now (goddamn! eight years?). Mamma would be great! I call my Mom ”mamma”! But like embarrassing tattoos? Not really I think. I do have some ugly ones though!

Ha ha! Call it ”schadenfreude” but I wanna know what it looks like! My worst is a spider’s web I tried doing on my left calf last summer after a bottle of whisky and ten beers. Please describe the worst one!
The worst one, is a Confederacy of Scum logo on my leg. It was done by a good friend of mine, it was his first tattoo. Actually it came out pretty cool looking now that I think of it. Maybe the girl on my leg, that was a first timer too. Nothing that i’m ashamed of really. It’s just a tattoo in the end.

So, when did you get into Punk and Hard Rock? Any fave bands or records you wanna mention?
Hard rock right away and then…in the mid to late Eighties…I was heavily into Iron Maiden, Ozzy and Motorhead and all my friends were some years older and into punk rock and hardcore. So I got some mix tapes or borrowed records from them and there it was. Got caught in that whole NYHC stuff and American hardcore in general. Then, GG Allin was on TV, and from there I discovered all the bands like ANTiSEEN, Cocknoose, Hellstomper, something I always stuck with. To name a few favorite bands… well, the above mentioned, Black Oak Arkansas, MC5, Rolling Stones, lots of 70’s hard rock stuff.

For such a small country Belgium had a pretty cool punk scene back in the day. The Kids were excellent! And I gotta admit Plastic Bertrand is a guilty pleasure in my household. Were you ever into that scene at all?
Nope, not at all…over here those bands are on the radio from time to time, but I always was too stuck up to watch for music in my own country. Too busy with American bands. But recently Jon from ANTiSEEN sent me a email with some links of Belgian bands and that got me interested. I found out about an excellent hard rock band called Carriage Company.

Well, I can highly recommend The Kids’ first two LP’s on Polydor Records. As well as The P.I.G.Z.! So any modern bands in Belgium you can recommend?
—I heard this story about The Kids. One of their roadies was wearing an El Guapo Stuntteam shirt and he wasn’t allowed in the van until he changed his shirt! I hated them, but I got to admit they have some good stuff out. As far as old Belgian bands go, I like La Muerte, old hardrock stuff, Mobilehead, a Motorhead cover band and that’s about it. Bands I like these days here are my brother’s new band The Sore Losers. I love Bearwolf, who remind me alot of Dead Moon, Oblivians kinda stuff, Rise and Fall, Violent City and a few other bands…

I gotta check that out. Were you ever involved with a band yourself by the way?
We had this punk band for a short time, but it wasn’t my thing to do. I’m the worst person to put on stage with a microphone. And besides, in our two month carreer we had our bassplayer in jail and I almost died from bloodloss. It was horrible, yet funny. And me and my brother who was also in the band were ALWAYS fighting.

Ha ha ha! How the hell did you end up almost dying from bloodloss?
I got really drunk and headbutted a glass bottle! I woke up at 6am in my living room bleeding like a pig. The gig was the day before around 5pm. So I had some sleep which sobered me up and I could tape the cut shut. It was a mess! I later heard I even got into a fight with the mailman, some girl fainted and a guy cried. Terrible stuff man ha, ha. But I was young and crazy.

It’s cool you mentioned Jon from AntiSeen! Are you a member of the Confederacy of Scum?
No, but I’m a big fan of all those bands. Hellstomper, Cocknoose, The Tunnel Rats, Limecell and the older stuff like Mad Brother Ward and the Screaming Street Trash, that’s the shit!! I miss picking up these C.O.S. approved releases at distros or record shops. But I got to meet a bunch of those guys over the years and am still in touch with ‘em. Having Cocknoose in my house was great, watching horrible videos and going shopping with The Cosmic Commander was really cool! And of course getting to introduce ANTiSEEN at Speedfest was a honor! It’s great that some of those guys are very supportive of Captain Catastrophy. Especially Alan King from Hellstomper.

And they’re big wrestling fans too! Me, I pretty much prefer Mexican Lucha Libre. You ever seen any of those old Santos’ movies from the 60’s and 70’s?
Oh yeah…me and one of my brothers are big fans of that. When El Guapo started he was wearing a mask all the time on shows. We even did a wrestling VS karate show that went out of control in a small bar. I bought him a book for his birthday with all the Mexican wrestlers. I do collect some of the masks. But I’m a big fan of the old ECW kind of stuff, Mick Foley, Terry Funk, Sabu

Tell me a little about your documentary! Was it ever finished?
Nope…It was supposed to be an extra for the EGST dvd that’s in production for 1000 years now. I don’t see it happening. I started working on it myself, but that would be just stupid, making a documentary about myself?

Well, it would be fun to watch! Speaking of documentaries, what’s this I’ve heard about a cult in the USA that believes some celebrities are aliens?
I’m Gonna Do It Until the Day I Die is a documentary about a Detroit band called MOG Stuntteam. We got in touch on YouTube and they asked me if I wanted to be featured in it, ‘cause both stuntteam bands knew from each other and had the same attitude. So, I filmed something myself at home, sent over the tape and all of a sudden they’re showing it all over the world. I even heard from people they saw posters with the Captain on it in downtown Los Angeles. Well, it didn’t do me any bad.

And it’s about this punk band that actually disappeared after joing a cult that believes John Tesh is an alien?
Haha yeah, John Tesh is an alien! Poor guys got kidnapped by aliens… it’s really a tragic tale!

Ha ha ha, yeah it kinda breaks your heart! Speaking of posters; you have an amazing collection! Tell me a little about it! How many do you got?
I’m not sure how many, but I’m a nut for movie poster artwork. Especially horror and exploitation. I have a big pile from all over the world, I think close to 150 or so. Also lobby cards. I used to collect everything, but these days it’s just Mad Max, Stuntrock and Exterminator 1 & 2 stuff.

When did you start collecting?
Growing up we had this movie theatre around the corner with awesome double bills. I remember seeing Mad Max, Exterminator 2, lots of kung fu, Piranha 2, Evil Dead… and since I would hang out there ALWAYS, I became friendly with the owner and he gave me lots of posters. I lost most of those over the years, but I still have my Evil Dead poster, it’s framed now. Also, my nephew’s parents used to run the ultimate videostore and they would give me tons of posters. Then, I remember a trip to Brussels and discovering a store specialized in posters. I bought a Maniac and Zombie one sheet and started collecting from there.

Any ”priceless” rarities you’re especially proud of?
I’m really proud of my signed Stunt Rock and Deathcheaters posters. They are signed by Brian Trenchard Smith and Grant Page. An original Last House…, Hills Have Eyes… A signed 6ft Texas Chainsaw 2 standee…I have a pretty rare Cannibal Holocaust poster everybody wants to buy. And some great signed pictures. Those are some of my most prized possesions.

Any cool place on the Net you recommend people can find vintage posters and lobby cards?
Basically just eBay really, there are some amazing posters for sale all the time. Some really cheap, you gotta be lucky. You have some of those professional sellers who ask ridiculous amounts of money for a poster you can find for 20 bucks.

Now, posters aren’t the only thing you collect. Your VHS-collection is jaw-dropping! How many you got of those?
I’m not sure how many…at least 1200 ex-rentals and a couple of hundreds I copied back in the day. People always seem to be impressed by my video collection, but I know some other people who’s collection make my jaw drop. One of my friends here in Belgium used to have a cult videostore…he’s got a basement PACKED with videos, very rare stuff. He even has a VHS in his kitchen!

Sounds like a man with his heart in the right place! When did you start collecting?
I started collecting in the early 90’s. Pick things up at fleamarkets and videostore sales. Replace my copies with the real thing. Then, DVD took over and I was buying VHS everywhere. I remember going home on the bus with boxes and bags full of tapes.

Cool! Were they completely uncensored in Belgium back then? I remember buying old cannibal movies from Holland by mail ‘cause they were always uncensored. Plus, they never cared about the age limit!
I don’t think any title got censored over here. Dutch and Belgian tapes are still very popular. A few were cut but they appeared on a different label around the same time in all it’s glory. Pieces for example, that came out cut but got released at the same time as The Chainsaw Devil. Cut and Run was cut too…

I read something about you being in touch with Lloyd Kaufman at Troma regarding a script, whatever happened to that?
I was hosting this annual TV-show about a big film festival in Belgium and had finished a script, just a over the top comedy. Very un-PC, right up Troma’s alley. So at this festival they were there to promote Poultrygeist and I had a seat at the Troma table, with Lloyd Kaufman and James Gunn and a bunch of other people, at the afterparty and mentioned I had this script. They just said I’d be lucky if they gave me 150 bucks for it. I figured, well why not, but a few days later I said fuck it, I’ll do something different with it.

So, is there a independent filmmaking scene in Belgium you can work with?
Not really, only a few kilometres away in Holland people are going nuts on filmmaking. In Belgium, it’s like they wanna come out with something award winning and ”special” right away. We have a bunch of older independent film makers though, Rob Van Eyck who made Afterman, he’s still going for it. And ”John Desert” from Rabid Grannies.

Yeah, that was picked up by Troma. Wasn’t Man Bites Dog a Belgian movie? Or maybe it wasn’t independent?
Oh yeah, probably one of the most well known. Crazy film, it was independent. Sure, there’s more films but for me personally, they’re a bit too arty. I want my films straight forward, no bullshit.

I totally agree! So, tell me about some of the stuff thats going on in Holland! Can’t say I ever really checked out the films they produce.
Actually not just Holland, but all over Europe people are making entertaining films. In Germany you have a big horror scene, France… and Holland always seemed to be one step ahead. Think of titles such as The Lift, Amsterdamned…Recently SINT! On a independent level there’s lots happening, like Carnifex, Horizonica… It’s pretty cool that Suzi Terror, former EGST go-go girl is doing special effects for lots of that stuff these days. If everything turns out great I’ll be doing some burns for an upcoming project over there, a tribute to Italian zombie movies. They’re not as stuck up over there as most of these brainwashed film students in Belgium who are a nightmare to work with.

That sounds exactly like Sweden. Too many ”arty” schmucks wasting precious celluloid on their own misguided pretensions, usually on the taxpayers expense! That tribute to Italian zombie movies sounds awesome! Got any info to share on that one?
Well it’s from some people in Amsterdam. And all I heard is that it will involve zombies on a camping site and it will get nasty! I think it are the same people who made the Nailed by Nikita trailer that won the grindhouse contest a few years ago, but I’m not sure.

Since we’re on the subject; we both share a love for old exploitation movies, gimme your Top Five!
The Man From Hong Kong, Assault on Precinct 13, Stunt Rock, Black Ceasar, The Exterminator…hundreds, thousands more!

How about Italian exploitation from the 80’s? Like Fulci or Bianchi, those guys were insane!
Those are some of the first horror movies we rented in those days…The Beyond, Zombie 2, New York Ripper! Oh yeah man…that was something else!

It sounds like we have a similar background there. Just hanging out at the video store, drooling over the covers. In Sweden that ended up generating a huge media storm about ”video violence”, did that ever happen in Belgium? Media etc. screaming for censorship, ”think about the children” and all that crap?
Man, all our videostores had stickers on the cover saying ”this film is so violent, people under 18 are not allowed to rent this”. Those were the first we rented! Nobody cared here! I Spit on Your Grave…all that stuff, you could rent ‘em without a problem. Same with movie theatres, we were very young sitting at midnight screenings of Maniac, they would show pretty violent stuff on afternoons too. We had a problem once, when Batman came out and no one under 16 was admitted. But I didn’t want to see it anyway.

Sounds like I should’ve grown up in Belgium! What’s your favorite exploitation decade?
The 70’s all the way, everything looked and sounded much cooler back then.

Yeah, when it comes to horror and thrillers it was a great decade! I know you already wrote a piece about it on your blog, but what do you consider the biggest difference between the stuff they did back then and the stuff that comes out now?
They were keeping it real back in those days and it looked like anyone with a great idea could raise the money and shoot it. Look at Gone In 60 Seconds for example, HB Halicki was in the car business and decided to make a movie and did! Did almost everything himself and came up with a CLASSIC!!! I love to read about making such movies, or stuff like The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Evil Dead… I have no real interest in stuff they make these days, all I read are ”executives”, ”studios”…and the ”stars”. C’mon you’re making a fucking movie!

I totally agree! All of a sudden you’ve got schmucks in suits using what I call ”The McDonald’s Formula”, where you get the same shit as always served up a billion times. The guy who directed Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3 actually said something that rings true: great horror movies were never produced within a studio system.
From what I read, it’s true… Give a director total artistic freedom and you get something unique and special! I haven’t seen a film with the impact as let’s say Basket Case for a long time!! And also this…what happened to great soundtracks? Sure we have some great songs in movies…but what about unique scores? A great, more old school score is what could’ve saved Romero’s last three dead movies. That was a big part of the appeal of the three old ones, they had terrific atmosphere about them, the music was a great deal of that.

Yeah! I mean, look at Ed Wood or Al Adamson for chrissakes! Their movies cost five dollars to make but they still had a score! So what’s your favorite one? I’m guessing you’re a big Goblin-fan?
Goblin stuff is incredible! Especially on Dawn of the Dead! John Carpenter of course… And loads more Italian stuff, like De Angelis scores for the crime films. Lately I’m really into getting obscure scores from American exploitation films such as Money is the Root of all Happiness from The Candy Snatchers…and many more. My absolute number one favorite soundtrack of all time is Creepshow by John Harrison. Day of the Dead is great also. Impossible to pick just one… Oh and Sorcery’s Stunt Rock of course ha,ha!

And while on the subject of the difference between classic exploitation and modern day films: what’s your take on all those endless remakes that are happening now? The only good one I’ve seen so far that reminded me of the old-style splatter was 2001 Maniacs. Have you seen anything cool you wanna mention?
Not really. The remakes I like are the Night of the Living Dead remake by Savini, The Thing that was a bit like a remake…and that’s about it really. Oh wait…was Piranha 3D a remake? That one’s cool!

Yeah, everybody keeps telling me to see it. Haven’t checked it out yet. What about modern directors? I kinda like what Rob Zombie did with House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects but I’ve avoided the remakes and other than that I don’t see any modern day filmmaker that seems remotely interesting.
I loved the Devil’s Rejects! Perfect score as well! But I don’t know much about modern day directors. Eli Roth is alright. And there’s a lot happening in France. I really hate this so called ”torture porn” stuff, but Frontieres was excellent. Haute Tension, Seitan, even La Horde

Cool. So in conclusion: what’s the future plans for the Captain?
I’ve quit doing band- and live stuff in December and wanna move on to television or an actual feature film with the Captain. It’s perfect for it. But trying to get that going is a pain in the ass. They love to hand out money on prestigious bullshit here in Belgium. So I’m starting to think to take it abroad. I wrote a terrific script, screenplay, but maybe a bit too international for Belgium anyway. I’m translating that now and see what happens.

Sounds great! Best of luck on that one! Thanks for the interview!

Du hittar mer av Kaptenen på YouTube här och hans officiella Facebooksida här.

Intervju: Blag Dahlia

Posted in Intervju, Musik on februari 15, 2011 by Store Manager

Notera: ovanstående video bjuder grafiska scener med våld och sex och ska väl i rimlighetens namn inte ses av någon. Amen.

Med risk att inleda ett inlägg som besvaras med ett rungande ”vilka?” från läsarna konstaterar åtminstone jag själv rätt nöjt att garagedårarna The Dwarves är tillbaka! Bandet som under nittiotalets första år sparkade och skrek sig genom underjorden var de en frisk fläkt av den vildhet och galenskap som åtminstone för mig är essensen i bra rockmusik. Korta låtar levererade i ett rasande tempo med alldeles ”lagom” smutsig produktion med fokus på sex, våld och droger. Lägg sedan till de inte kunde bry sig mindre om vad rikemansvänstern som kom sist på scen och ändå hade smaklösheten att anse sig kunna diktera villkoren på vad som ansågs rätt och riktigt så förstår ni de snabbt fick en plats i mitt hjärta. Om den gode Markis de Sade levat och verkat idag är det rätt stor chans han tillhört deras fanskara.

Men efter tre utsökta monsteralbum på SubPop utav alla skivbolag – Blood, Guts & Pussy, Thank Heaven For Little Girls samt Sugarfix – förlorade de först detta  efter en PR-bluff som antingen kan kallas ”smaklös” eller ”genial” (beroende på din inställning till hur man får manipulera massmedia) för att sedan släppa ifrån sig några sjuor på mindre bolag och därefter splittras. När något år senare Offspring och Green Day klättrade upp på listorna fick de ett erbjudande från självaste Epitaph Records och ”Dwarves Fas 2” såg dagens ljus. Jag ska erkänna jag åtminstone beundrar bandet för att aldrig hymla det var ett strikt ekonomiskt beslut men rent musikmässigt var det för överproducerat och anpassat för eventuella radiospelningar för mina öron (något med tanke på deras sångtexter jag har svårt se hända). Nåväl. Ovanstående video är från kommande The Dwarves Are Born Again och även om produktion fortfarande är välpolerad är det ingen hemlighet de har återgått till sina yngre och vildare dagar.

Jag har gjort posterjobb åt bandet genom åren och fick till en intervju med sångaren Blag Dahlia, även känd under fascinerande nom du punk som Blag the Ripper, Blag Jesus och Blag Stallion. En intervju med större fokus på bandets ”guldålder” än deras senare bravader och egentligen avsedd att publiceras i mitt gamla fanzine (RIP) dammade jag av dokumentet nu när nya skivan är redo att släppas lös i början av Maj. Inledningsvis blev det lite om deras historia som hardcoreband som sedan utvecklades till renodlad neo-garage.

So if I’m getting this right you guys started out in Illinois with Suburban Nightmare. How did you get involved with punk to begin with? I remember reading somewhere that you started out as a bunch of guys taking turns shitting in paper bags and huffing the fumes. Sounds like wholesome activities.
Most of us went to high school in IL. We played obscure garage songs and went to punk shows because that’s what there was to do. We got high any way we could and we attempted to fuck girls in mini skirts with psychedelic tights.

How involved with the local HC scene were Suburban Nightmare? Any reactions from your peers?
We always loved garage music and old rock n roll, but we saw all of the early punk bands as well. That stuff seemed a bit more rigid and uptight in terms of the music and the fashion, but the shows were more fun than retro shows, they really went off. We would dress all paisley and we had keyboards which made punk bands hate us. Also, we went to shows with our hot suburban girlfriends in our parents cars so people hated that, too.

(i en annan intervju summerar Blag den lokala punkscenen under denna tiden som ”Really unattractive people screaming about Ronald Reagan.”)

So the first LP, how did you get in touch with Midnight Records? Any specific memories about that? The recording as well as the release?
Midnight was one of those specialty cash in labels run by a corrupt Frenchman. You ‘d make a record and he’d put it out and that was the last you’d hear about it. We recorded the record in Champagne, IL where the college was. We used old Fender amps and a Farfisa organ, it was like a hopped up version of 60s garage punk.

I laughed when I saw Steven Blush’s commentary about you guys in his book American Hardcore, ”they later on moved to S.F. and became the VILE Dwarves” Any comments on that?
We were always vile, it just took the world a while to catch on.

Precis som ovanstående citat så drar bandet upp bopålarna och flyttar till San Fransisco, där de snart skaffar sig ett diskutabelt rykte. På deras debutspelning tar samtliga medlemmar LSD och fem minuter in i setlistan börjar det verka och den redan då politiskt korrekta publiken får nervöst se på medan bandet tar av sig sina kläder och bara vandrar iväg fullkomligt nakna. Och då precis som nu delas deras följe in i två läger; de som älskar bandet och de som fullkomligt hatar dom. Snart får de dock kontakt med legendariska Greg Shaw som ber dom släppa ett album på hans BOMP! Records. 

How’d you hook up with BOMP! Records? Any thoughts/comments on Greg Shaw?
Greg Shaw from Bomp heard the Suburban Nightmare’s first LP and offered to do a full length record. He was a very cool smart guy, but his label was a complete rip off, known for selling a few records and never paying you for them. Oh well, he’s got his own little piece of heaven now.

When did your sound change from neo-garage to the ”shock-rock” as some people wanna call it? Did the band just naturally evolve or was it anything specific that happened?
By the time we got to SF we had 2 kind of cool but really terrible looking records and we were sick of sounding softer than other bands that we were actually harder than. So out went the keyboards and beatle boots. Of course, now that stuff is finally cool again.

Was it ”Toolin’…” or ”Lucifer’s Crank” that marked the change?
Lucifer’s… was the record that starting getting nastier and less psychedelic. Tool’ was the same songs, but a bit nastier versions.

Sjutummaren Lucifer’s Crank – finansierad av en rikemansdotter fast på heroin som Blag enligt sig själv för tillfället dejtade och snyltade pengar av – släpps lös på en underjordsvärld som antingen hade fullt upp med dödsmetall eller dregla över den annalkande poppunkvågen. Nio stökiga enminutsexplosioner med titlar som Dead Brides in White och Free Cocaine varvas med ljudklipp från diverse intervjuer och framträdanden, samtliga olämpliga för känsliga öron:
– (kvinnlig DJ) The Dwarves är i studion ikväll och vänder upp och ner på stället (nervöst skratt) men om jag har ett jobb imorgon så kan ni lyssna när jag –
– Du kan följa med oss på turné hjärtat.
– Wow! Kanske tamburin-
– Det finns plats på växelspaken till dig…

Otroligt nog genererade skivan uppmärksamhet från ett för tiden litet skivbolag uppe i Seattle: SubPop. Med namn som bland annat Nirvana, Mudhoney och Supersuckers i stallet var bandet ett till synes ologiskt tillskott till artistlistan.

So how did you end up on that label? Considering the stuff they put out at that time I’m having a hard time imagining you fitting in snuggly.
SubPop did 7”s with the one cool band in every town. We were the SF band for them. When we recorded it we did half a dozen extra tunes and they figured – maybe we could do an album with these guys. By then we sounded hardcore, a genre that everyone hated by then. We got on Sub/Pop by being the best live band of the era period!

1990 kommer albumet Blood Guts and Pussy, en dryga kvartslång attack med fascinerande låttitlar som Let’s Fuck, Fuck You Up and Get High och Fukkhead (anar ni ett mönster?) delade den ännu en gång underjorden i två delar. Antingen hatade du vad bandet gjorde eller älskade det. Något mellanting fanns inte. Ett tecken åtminstone för mig att en konstnär har något eget och unikt på gång. Öppningsspåret Back Seat of My Car:

”Blood, Guts & Pussy”! Goddamn what an album! How do you think it holds up today?  What was it like working with Jack Endino? How long did those sessions take?
Blood Guts… still holds up, it’s super aggressive and tasteless with rock’n’roll overtones that make it not as annoying as most hardcore. Endino was good at getting guitar sounds and tolerating our abuse. Initial sessions took 2 days. The mix was probably another 2 or 3 days. Incidentally, what they call hardcore now is heavy metal and it still sucks.

Plattan följs upp av Thank Heaven For Little Girls, en skiva som bara med sitt omslag får kristna organisationer att slå bakut och hota med bojkotter för att förhindra skivbutiker att sälja den. Materialmässigt bjuds det samma drog- sex- och våldtema, fast denna gång väldigt bra producerat. Bandet visar sig ha den goda smaken att leverera sina perversioner i väldigt fina paket.

”Thank Heaven for Little Girls” is my fave alb from that period but I haven’t found that much info about it. Any recollections of recording it?  The producer did a great job with it, any info about him?
We were supposed to record with Butch Vig at his studio. Instead we got the other guy. He was pretty good, but who knows how huge we would have been with Butch? Yet another example of Dwarves luck.

What’s the story behind that sample in the beginning of ”Anybody but Me”?
The Anybody but Me sample comes from a show somewhere in Canada. Makin’ friends everywhere we go!

”Blood, Coke & Sodomy – LIVE!”? Still haven’t been able to locate that. Was it a limited release?
As for the Scum Also Rises (Blood Coke and Sodomy) video, it’s in the can…

So, grunge hits it big and all of a sudden every band on the label gets whisked away to Major Label Land. Any truth to the statement that during the ”Grunge hooplah” you were the only band on SubPop that weren’t approached by a major label? Any thoughts about that hysteria?
There’s gold in the middle of the road I guess.

I gotta ask this even though you probably heard it a million times, any stories or recollections of Kurt Cobain?
We played with Nirvana early on and had many mutual friends. I liked their songs and they thought our bass player was great. We never really partied with them or anything, they were kind of quiet and unfriendly like a lot of rock bands that only have one talented guy. Eventually they got Grohl and the rest was history. Don’t do drugs kids!

Third album. A bit slower and some personell change. Any specific reason for that? As far as I can tell your line-up was pretty much solid up until then.
Sugarfix had some different type of songs, less punk, more rock n roll. Saltpeter left first, then HeWho… died. And it wasn’t even on heroin! Vadge stayed on through the classic comeback album Young and Good Looking and beyond.

I ett försök att öka försäljningen av ovanstående skiva meddelar bandet världen att gitarristen He Who Cannot Be Named hastigt avlidit som följd av de skador han drog på sig i ett knivslagsmål någon månad efter att ha avslutat en Europaturné. En historia som var totalt osann men beundransvärt detaljerad – en adress gavs dit människor kunde skicka kondoleanser och blommor. Reaktionen lät inte vänta på sig, SubPop droppade bandet som en het potatis, nedan visas pressreleasen:

SubPop threw a fit when the story broke. Thoughts, comments about that?
SubPop was what happened when nerds gave fat girls jobs at a record label.

(i en annan intervju liknade han samarbetet med skivbolaget som ”starving to death in a really nice suit”)

Then what happened? I know you put out the GREAT ”That’s R&R” 7″ on SFTRI but pretty soon after that called it quits?

Dwarves never call it quits. We make records, we play shows and we live on!

Det där låter lite som reviderad historia om jag ska vara ärlig. Blag startade upp bandet Blag Dahlia som mig veterligen släppte två sjuor på Frank Koziks skivbolag Man’s Ruin Records, skivor som både i recensioner och intervjuer presenterades som just hans nya band efter The Dwarves. Något som om inget annat bekräftas av nedanstående svar.

So, how’d you reform and sign to Epitaph?
Everyone hates solo records, so we put the Dwarves back together to cash in on Green Day and Offspring. Epitaph had so much money and drugs we kind of slipped in unnoticed through the back door and made one of the best albums ever. We got more fans from the song Everybodies Girl being on Punk o Rama than the whole previous 15 years put together. Plus Brett’s hot rod reeked of crack when he signed me. God bless him!

I remember a LOT of people groaning when that first album came out. How’d you think it holds up today?
People always groan when we make a record. If everyone who said Blood Guts… was amazing had bought it we’d be shitting in tall cotton to this day. When we made Must Die a few years ago all of the Young and Good Looking fans bitched about hip hop songs and death metal being on there. The Dwarves are 5 years ahead at all times. It all makes sense eventually.

That was the time when you guys started showing up in soundtracks for movies. I remember the most bisarre movie experience I ever had in that decade was hearing ”Motherfucker” blasting in that driving sequence of ”Me, Myself & Irene” (starring Jim Carrey fer chrissakes!) How the hell did that happen? Never thought I’d see the day.
We are beloved by music supervisors because our shit sounds good or raw or retro or whatever you need for the scene. Music Biz folks always had one reason or another why some other band was better than us. Mostly it was marketing and and bullshit. When music supes or director’s need a song they don’t look at marketing and ads and radio play, just what it sounds like. On that terrain we always come out ahead of the pack. And watching Jim Carrey lip synch Motherfucker was a great moment for me and Saltpeter who wrote the tune.  Our latest appearance is in Observe and Report, but if you blink you’ll miss it.

And that’s not all when it comes to your involvement in movies. What’s the story with the porn video mentioned on your MySpace?
That was weird, they used a lot of my trippy solo poetry stuff for the movie. And we got to lip synch while two girls ate pussy and fucked each other. It was beautiful!

Leaving Epitaph. What’s the story? First they signed up a lot of garage bands (Humpers, New Bomb Turks, etc etc) and then they started dropping ‘em like flies.
The dope ran out!

Oh well. You’re keeping yourself quite busy with a solo career as well as writing books. It’s been two now right? One on Scapegoat Publishing but I recall seeing some other title somewhere.
NINA and Armed to the Teeth With Lipstick are the books. They’re dirty and ridiculous, much like me. The solo songs are also comedy, novelty type songs about fucking Anne Frank or going on a jihad, that kind of stuff. My guitar playing is so bad it’s good.

”I Love You Bitch” gotta be one of the funniest songtitles I’ve seen in quite some time. Where the hell do you get your ideas?
Bitch, I Love You is the song. It’s on the new CANDY NOW! Record I produced. Lots of great retro stuff and female duets on there, too.

So. What does the future hold up for Blag/The Dwarves?
The DWARVES have started recording a new record at long last, the DWARVES ARE BORN AGAIN. Instant classic!!! Don’t forget us, people, we’re still the best band ever. Buy our shit at

Och har du lite extra pengar över bjuder Aggronautix just nu en limiterad upplaga throbbleheads av Blag och He Who… för din bokhylla! De gungar fint i takt till favoritvinylen och reklamfilmen är som följer:

Intervju: Megachurch

Posted in Intervju on november 9, 2010 by Store Manager

Megachurch! Jag har redan skrivit om hur jag av ren slump snubblade över detta fenomenala amerikanska band så vill du läsa historien igen finns den här. Jag tillägger bara att sedan skivan damp ner i min brevlåda har den gått varm på stereon, så till den milda grad att samtliga själar jag delar mitt hushåll med – inklusive katten Xerxes – numera ger mig Onda Ögat när jag försiktigt plockar fram den. Och även om jag kan överdriva när något verkligen slår an en ton hos mig – fråga mig någon gång varför jag tycker King Uszniewicz är briljant och gör dig beredd på att ducka! – så är det faktiskt i detta fallet försvarbart! (Till skillnad från Kungen då. Även om grannarna älskar honom så mycket de hoppar takten i golvet när jag spelar hans alster).

När sedan ovanstående video till låten More Mormon Than Mormon släpptes på nätet, baserad enbart på klipp från Ken Russels udda skräckis The Devils från 1971 är det ju uppenbart killarna förutom förbannat bra musiksmak även har hjärtat på rätta stället! Jag tog återigen kontakt med Brian och lyckades få till en intervju med syfte att än en gång försöka få ut deras namn samt stilla min egen nyfikenhet. Tyvärr via mejl (igen!) men med Atlanten mellan oss får den duga tills de med lite tur tar sig över för en Europaturné så man kan sätta sig ner och komma dom närmre inpå skinnet:

First off, thanks so much for doing this. Shall we start with the name in itself? I think most people outside the US don’t really know what a Megachurch is, so how about a short explanation of the phenomenon and why you chose that name.
A ”megachurch” is basically an Evangelical Christian church that has inflated to the size of an arena. They often resemble a shopping mall, or even an airport terminal in their appearance…gift shops, restaurants, coffee shops, etc all surrounding a huge auditorium where they have worship services that look like a large rock concert. These services are often televised, or recorded for the use of DVD sales. It does seem to be a soley American phenomenon, and in turn often showcases some of the worst misogynistic, homophobic, bigoted views that it’s leaders have to offer.

So yeah, that’s a real long way of saying it’s like if church was like a huge McDonald’s.

So tell me a little about the band? When and how did you guys form? 
We were formed out of pure volcanic rock.

Any previous members before the line-up gelled?
No, only us 3 members. The trinity.

So, did you decide up front not to include a guitar player in the line-up or was it just the way it turned out?
The idea of forming this band was to use only 2 basses and drums and see what happened. The samples came later, but no guitars were really ever considered.

Listening to your record and seeing the live clips available online it’s pretty obvious you’re seasoned musicians. Any previous outfits you’ve played with?
and Dan were in a band called This Is Exploding. Dan was also the drummer of the band Machine Go Boom with Mikey. Both of these bands called it quits and Megachurch just kind of happened.

Influences? You guys gotta be the first instrumental stoner act I at least heard of. Where do you find your inspiration?
We’re all individually into different styles of music. I think our sound just comes out of those differences. We get compared to bands we’ve never heard of sometimes, which is great because we get turned on to music we didn’t even know existed.

How about older instrumental music? Any of you guys being into Dick Dale, The Ventures, Link Wray etc? Although you sound nothing like them I’d guess at least one of you own a record with Man or Astro Man.
”The first time I saw Man or Astroman play live I thought my head was going to explode, they were so awesome.” – Mikey.

The writing process. Are you just jamming it out in the rehearsal space or do you have one person who writes most of the stuff?
Usually Brian will come up with a good initial riff and we all just run with it from there.

The samples is a pretty important part of the songs (”The Second Coming” comes to mind where the song in itself seems built around the sermon used). Where do you find this stuff? Any of you guys into that whole tape-collecting scene?
We get our samples from YouTube right now, mostly.

So let’s talk about the album! This EP is your first right? Tell me a little about it ‘cause the sleeve just mentions the studio. How long did it take to record? Any fun anecdotes about the sessions? It sound like it was done live.
It was recorded in one weekend at a now defunct studio called Zombie Proof. That place was great and is sorely missed. It was basically a warehouse space in Cleveland, Ohio that a collective of artists and bands used for rehearsals during the week, and was a recording studio on weekends.

The sleeve art in itself is pretty cool. Who made it? Anywhere you can check out their other work?
An artist named John G.  He’s a pretty busy fellow around the Cleveland area. Check out his blog at: His work is pretty amazing!

Any reactions from the ”stoner scene” considering you’ve got a pretty unique sound compared to the other acts? Or just overall reactions to it. I myself has been raving about it online as well among friends but searching the internet I really didn’t find that much info and/or reviews.
We just keep playing shows. The reaction has been very positive since our first gig. We often end up on eclectic bills. Sometimes with punk/indie-pop/metal. It’s helped us get heard by a lot of different crowds.

I was amazed you didn’t have any record label backing you! Has anyone been in touch with you so far? Have you sent it out to radio and/or labels?
Have not heard from any labels. Even the local ones around here passed on our EP originally. Some might be afraid of copyright infringements.

My fave track off the EP is The Gay Agenda, but it uses some pretty harsh sentiments from some preacher. Is it Jerry Falwell? (En tv-präst som bland annat påstod 9/11 var Guds straff för att USA börjat tillåta homosex och aborter. När han dog avsatte Bill Maher tid i sitt tv-program för ett inslag som hette ”Death Doesn’t Necessarily Have to Be a Bad Thing”).
The Gay Agenda‘s intro is Jimmy Swaggart (a Megachurch sample-favorite). From there on out it’s Pat Robertson. Both equally crazy.

What about the live shows? Looking at both your MySpace and Facebook you seem to be getting quite a lot of shows right now. How many have you played so far?
Too many to count at this point. We played our first show on Friday the 13th of March in 2009. I think we had 4 songs at that show.

What’s the audience reaction like when you play live? Are they into it or do you get drunks complaining ”Hey! There’s NO VOCALS!”
The fact that we have no lead singer seems to have actually helped us more than anything. We’ve reached more people than would have heard us otherwise.

That being said, every show we play we inevitably get some guy afterwards that wants to be our singer. Which is a nice thing and all, but we always have to explain that we’re happy with the way things are already. I remember the first time we did an interview with the local free arts zine out here and the guy asked ”so right now you don’t have a lead singer…do you guys plan on writing real songs in the future?” I just burst out laughing. That was great. 

So what’s in the near future for the band?
Upcoming winter show-hiatus. Effective January 1st, so we can finally record all these new songs we have. Then in spring back to the road, spreading the good news.

Sounds great! Thanks for the interview guys!

Återigen, deras sexlåtars debutskiva kan beställas direkt från bandet via MySpace!

Intervju: Femtekolonnare

Posted in Intervju, Musik on oktober 4, 2010 by Store Manager

Legs McNeil är en bitter gammal gubbe, vilket jag märkte när mitt förra band kontaktade honom i hopp om han skulle vara intresserad av att skriva pressreleasen till vår då uppkommande platta. Så anledningen till jag överhuvudtaget nämner honom är hans lyriska beskrivning hur det var den kvällen någon gång i mitten av sjuttiotalet då han snubblade in på CBGB’s utan att förvänta sig något speciellt och beskådade en spelning med Ramones för första gången. Hans målande utlägg i bl.a. boken Please Kill Me över att äntligen hittat tvillingssjälar som var lika less på rådande populärkultur som han själv är något som verkligen fastnat hos mig. Och fram tills i våras en upplevelse jag tyvärr hade slutat hoppas skulle hända.

Så en typiskt regnig Växjökväll ställer sig tre killar iklädda keps – en hade nätbrynja – upp på scen efter att två ack-så-medvetna veganband vunnit SM i floskler med sina halvtimmespredikningar varvat med kort musikaliskt mellansnack. Killarna som ser ut som Bröderna Djups skadade huliganbarn trycker in en varsin snus under läppen, hälsar på publiken och sedan kommer en trettiosekunders djävla vägg av kaos och träffar mig rakt i bröstkorgen som en tryckluftsvåg. Två låtar in i deras debutspelning skrattar jag högt och kan inte riktigt greppa det faktiskt äntligen har hänt! Jag har bevittnat något fullkomligt unikt som skriker, spyr och sparkar vilt bakut. Det är inte melodiskt för fem öre och ungefär lika vackert som en rotfyllning men det unika finns där och om inget annat bevisas det när delar av publiken går därifrån med fingrarna i öronen! När jag lämnar spelstället den kvällen är jag ett fan av Femtekolonnare och har sedan dess sett deras samtliga spelningar, oftast med sällskap jag släpat med i hopp om att de också ska se det briljanta i bandets kaos. Vissa har blivit lika frälsta som jag, andra har kallat mig ”dum i huvudet”.

Efter senaste scenupplevelsen, där basisten av någon anledning stämt sin bas fel vilket tog deras vägg av kaos till en helt ny nivå av smärta hade jag inget val utan var tvungen att intervjua dom i hopp om att sprida deras namn till allmänheten! Jag tvivlar starkt på att de kommer ha ett stort genomslag inom mainstreamkulturen men vad de gör är unikt och – ännu viktigare i dessa dagar – äkta, och jag är fullkomligt övertygad de kommer skapa sig ett namn i alternativscenen! Jag mejlade över lite frågor till deras trumpiskare Carl Brutal och detta är vad som kom tillbaka:

Kännetecknet på att man har något intressant på gång förutom att folk blir sura är ju då att det börjar cirkulera rykten om en. Ska vi ta det elakaste först: kommer ni verkligen från Växjö? Ni slår mig som alldeles för unika att komma från en så utpräglad medelklasstad?
Alla i bandet bor i Växjö så nog är vi därifrån på så vis. Men det är nog bara på senaste tiden som vi har kommit upp oss så pass. Jonas och Carl är uppvuxna i Alvesta och är ju då jävligt mer äkta och arbetarklass. Fritjof är från Tolg som ju faktiskt ligger i Växjö kommun, vilket gör honom till bonde, godsägare och centerpartist. Men nu när det går så förbannat bra för oss så har man kunnat lämna såväl Tolg som Alvesta för och njuta av det härliga livet i storstaden Växjö.

Bandhistoria? Har ni förflutet i andra band eller är detta ert första?
Carl och Jonas goes way back med en massa olika band. Detta var på den tiden innan vi hade kommit upp oss och flyttat till storstaden då. Möjligen har någon, som har för mycket intresse för musik eller bara stalkar oss, hört talas om And So She Died (ASSD) och Koala Garden. På den tiden var det Carl som gapade, skrek och förde inte oväsen genom trummorna som idag. Möjligen blev hans aggressioner tvungna att ta andra utryck, vem vet inte du, vem vet inte jag. Det var mer experimentell musik på den tiden, vi var väl unga och dumma kanske. Nu har vi vuxit upp och fattat att bara mangel är äkta! Fritjof har lirat med Black Metal-bandet Gargamel, ett band som i sann Black Metal-anda varken spelade live eller spelade in.

Influenser? Det är ju uppenbart en eller två i bandet lyssnar på The Locust men övriga band man kanske inte hade väntat sig?
Det är väl egentligen Jonas som är den store Locust-fantasten, Carl och Fritjof lyckas hålla det på en mycket sundare nivå. Den enda artisten vi har lyckats komma överrens om att vi alla gillar är nog Eddie Meduza, en klassiker för allt som har en sexuell osäkerhet och gillar Wunderbaum. Fritjof lyssnar annars bara på samma jävla Watain-platta hela tiden, möjligen försöker han nå något spirituell tillstånd av det. Carl lyssnar på superborgerlig, präktig finkultur där en snubbe i fin mustasch plinkar på ett piano och Jonas lyssnar bara på skitmesig popmusik. Broder Daniel och skärsår, du fattar grejen.

Det som får er att sticka ut jämfört med övriga svenska band inom genren Power Violence (exempelvis Massgrav) är ju sången som låter mer Black Metal än något annat. Medvetet drag från er sida eller en briljant olyckshändelse? Är ni svartmetallare i grunden som applicerar corpse-paint när ingen tittar?
Bara Black Metal är väl äkta? Jo, men vi lyssnar nog alla på Black Metal, eller har i alla fall gjort. Som nordsmän finns ju inget annat att göra. Säg en snubbe i Compton som inte gillar gangsta rap liksom. Black Metal är vårt kulturella arv och vi hyllar Satan och kaoset!

Låtskrivarprocessen. Samarbetar ni inom bandet eller har ni en utnämnd låtskrivare som tar med sig nytt material?
Vi samarbetar fram allt och värker på så sätt fram musiken. Vi gör nog som så att vi drar till repan och knäcker oss varsin folköl, har vi lust att skriva en ny låt så gör vi det. Har vi lust att lira Holy Diver och Breaking the Law istället så gör vi det. Vi kör på och känner ingen press liksom.

Med tanke på ni släppte EP:n ”Valguiden” rätt kort efter debutplattan är ni ju minst sagt ett väldigt produktivt band. Har ni flyt just nu eller är genren något ni kan så väl utantill det inte är särskilt svårt att skriva nytt?
Det går bra nu, som han sa. Nej men flyt tror jag inte att man kan kalla det, det är nog mer så att vi är så förbannat begåvade att det rullar på av den anledningen.

Variation? Många som vill avfärda det som ”ett djävla oväsen” missar en helvetes massa nyanser. Kastar ni in alla vilda idéer ni har i er musik eller känner ni att ni medvetet ibland har begränsat er för att det inte passar in i genren?
Vi är ju på ett sätt redan ganska spretiga. Om man tänker att man går från Black Metal med blast beat till kängpunk med d-takt så blir det ju egentligen ett ganska tvärt kast mellan olika stilar och så. Fast för den obildade lär det ju låta som samma sak kanske, men vi skriver inte musiken för att alla ska fatta heller, vi har ju inget folkbildningsuppdrag (trots folkölen).

Rent tekniskt med tanke på hur helvetes snabbt ni spelar och ändå håller det varierat med tvära kast; när ni repar in nytt material är det delar av låtarna som tas del var för sig eller är det mangel från början till slut?
Vi repar inte in olika delar av låtar. Då skulle delarna vara typ tre sekunder långa, det skulle kännas jävligt löjligt att bara repa ett parti då.

Texterna. Satir eller allvar? Det var en del reaktioner på er låt tillägnad ett visst kommunalråd här i Växjö under Metalfesten.
Den eviga frågan, satir eller allvar. Grejen är ju att det är både och. Det värsta jag vet är idioter som går runt och tar sig själva på så jävla stort allvar. Det blir ju bara töntigt och förljuget skitsnack om man ska stå och på allvar säga vad man tycker rakt igenom. Och vem fan vet vad de tycker? Idioter. Jag kan svara som så… Ja, vi tycker att Maud Olofsson är en jävla pajas. Men vill vi skicka henne till Gulag? Nej. Eller jag tar nog fan tillbaka det där ändå, hon skulle göra mer nytta där ändå. Men man måste ju ha lite kul också, annars kan man ju lika gärna bli straight edge och gå runt och vara präktig och säga åt folk en massa dumheter.

Personligen ser jag en hel del vad jag kallar ”punk humor” a´la Angry Samoans i era texter där det görs med glimten i ögat. Eller har jag helt missuppfattat?
Det där har jag ingen aning om vem det är. Men jag bollar tillbaka med en annan referens och säger som Anatomi-71 gjorde. ”Ta din jävla glimt i ögat och lämna mig ifred”

”Fred, Kärlek och Jävla Dumheter” måste vara den bästa låttitel jag hört sedan ”I’ve Been Fucking Your Daughters And Pissing on Your Lawn”. Ni är inga naturbarn som drömmer om att flytta ut i skogen?
Skogen är fin, där vilar ondskan. Grejen är bara den att det inte finns någon anledning att gå ut i skogen och svänga med sina jävla dreads eller sätta sig i gräset och hålla på med batik när det finns borgarsvin som blåser en till höger och vänster jämt och ständigt. Folk borde skita i att finna harmoni med sitt inre kosmos och slå tillbaka mot svinen istället.

Eller ”Jkpg HC” där ni så briljant formulerar det: ”Bilddagboken Hardcore!”. Det är inte bara jag som märkt scenen är full av linslusar som försöker efterapa foton de sett i Maximum Rock n Roll när de spelar live?
Jo, jävla snorvalpar. Hela hardcore-kulturen är åt helvete. Och Jönköping är en jävla skitstad.

Det finns ändå en hel del politiska undertoner i texterna som naiva människor kanske missar med anledning de kommer från arbetarklassens synvinkel. Skulle ni hålla med att man kan kalla er ett politiskt band?
Allt är ju politik i så fall. Vi uppmärksammar väl möjligen pöbeln på att politiker så väl som andra idioter beter sig som skit. Men jo, vi har ju gjort en platta med Valet 2010 som tema, det får man väl anse vara ganska politiskt ändå.

På tal om Metalfesten; hur kom det sig att ni hamnade där?
En snubbe frågade om vi ville lira och vi sa ja. Lätt som en plätt. Även om vi kanske är ett punkband, och på så sätt ganska off, så är det ju gött att lira.

Hur har reaktionerna på era skivor varit hittills? Jag har sett två riktigt positiva recensioner på nätet men förutom det?
Vi har fått förbannat fin respons faktiskt. Folk kommer fram och vill ligga med oss för att vi är så förbannat begåvade, lite så är det.

Kontakt med skivbolag? Letar ni runt just nu eller väljer ni att släppa själva? Jag hörde ett rykte om något i Holland som kanske var på gång.
Skivbolag är ju så jävla struliga bara. Tanken var ju att vi skulle ge ut en split med ett holländskt gore-grindband på ett bolag i Holland då men det verkar ha skitit sig. Jag vet inte riktigt hur det ser ut. Hör han inte av sig så släpper vi väl låtarna själva så kan han se sig som om i helvete efter vårt samarbete. Men om det kommer någon lite resonlig skivbolagssnubbe och erbjuder en bra deal så kommer vi säkert att tacka ja. Skivbolag känns aningen 90-tal dock, vi är ju moderna människor, vi får se hur det blir.

Det har börjat röra på sig rent spelningsmässigt för er och senast var det Uppsala. Hur har mottagningen varit där ute?
Uppsala var fullt. Inte fullsatt då, men de som var där var fulla. Själva hade vi också lite under västen vilket gjorde att det gick fort så inihelvete att grinda. Men det var gött, trevlig stad. Vi hade lite planer på att bränna domkyrkan men tiden räckte inte riktigt till.

Planerna för närmsta framtiden, samt i det längre loppet?
Vi ska väl giga en del. Nu i veckan ska vi till Blomstermåla och Karlskrona. Härligt med Småland och Blekinge, det blir så genuint och härligt. Sen har vi ju låtarna som är inspelade till spliten också, de ska väl ges ut på något sätt. Fan vet.

Ni hittar bandets hemsida på MySpace och de har även en grupp på Facebook.